How many days do you get out of bed and feel sad? sick? depressed? the biggest one for me is a sense of feeling “trapped”. Learning to work with what “the ego” really is as the force of 7billion thoughts comes in through the ethers and the wifi.. a webbing of consciousness with lots of drama to play. lots of learning to make and ways to play at being human. while here with Gaia, we have many choices we can make as humans. So good at all the human doings however, we have become rather limited in the “being” part of who we are.

so much of the destruction, pollution, poverty, crime, disease and corruption we experience in today’s society is because we have forgotten who we are. we call ourselves human beings but we forget what that means. we define ourselves as the “most intelligent” species on earth. why? because we know how to build tall buildings, hurl 100 people into the air in a flying metal thermos, “domesticate” animals, create “schooling”, medical and governmental systems that we are told will educate and protect us. we are brought up to believe that as human beings we are at the “top” of the food chain because we have learned how to use a gun.

a weapon for killing life is our claim to superiority within this animal kingdom. a logic based on the ability to take life is flawed and false at its premise. why would we be given a spark of life? a single breath to breathe if our purpose was to come here and destroy it all? we stand in collective consciousness agreeing to certain rules and definitions of “reality”. religion has spent hundreds of years indoctrinating us into “the idea” that we are born in sin. this idea that we are born “sinners” is both false and true.

I am a sinner. a sinner and a saint. after all what is a sin but the dark side of the light. I am a saint. after all, what is a saint except a person who chooses to shine their light. saint means light. it doesn’t mean saviour or god or perfect. saint means light and some say it represents the halo glow we see depicted around great “Saints” like Jesus, Buddha, Krishna; Mary, Tara, Paravati. So many have walked this earth and continue to walk here and none of them who truly shine their light want to be worshipped. they shine their light so bright that it illuminates everything we cannot see, hidden in the shadows of who we have become, the trappings of the ego, the games of the mind, the curtains we draw around our “sins” – because we are taught to believe in “Failure” we allow it crush us when it happens, but it is a construct we have created within our language, within our society, within the ego to convince ourselves we need to seek this light elsewhere – that we are somehow incapable of it on our own. that we need someone or something else to fix it for us when it rests, quietly, lovlingly and powerfully within each of us waiting for us to shine it.

there is no power greater than surrender. we have will and we have none, and somewhere in there lies a spark. this is what all “saints” have come to realize. we are light beckoning to be shone in this world. we are teachers, creators and wisdom keepers. we are human beings whose divine role on earth is not destroy that which have been given simply because “we can”. raping and pillaging the earth of natural resources to feed the greed of an ego out of control, does not make us intelligent. it makes us very, very stupid.

sitting around discussing the economy while forests burn, children are starving and another human being dies every 3 seconds from poverty and that very same second, 300 animals are slaughtered for human consumption. the food that could feed those starving children is instead being fed to “live-stock” or cows, pigs and chickens in animal agriculture. the water that could be drank by dying babies and mothers is being used to keep animal agriculture grazing. the rainforests, the lungs of Gaia, the source of more than half the air we breathe, is being clear cut at a rate of a football field per second. we’ve created a formula where a few of us humans get everything we want, when we want it – in fact drones will deliver it for some of us now – and so, so, SO many more have to beg for food.

we say we are different from animals, superior because we can “think” and “reason” but what are we reasoning away with our ill-based logic? is human existence based on a model of dominion? when our population has grown from 1.5B to 7.5B in just 100 years and this rapid human expansion into all resources and avenues of life here on earth has managed to destroy entire ecosystems, cause cities to fall into the ocean, temperatures to spike, disease to rise, poverty to increase and animal welfare to suffer so greatly in such a short amount of time that we have led ourselves into the greatest species extinction since the dinosaurs roamed here?

why is it so hard to see that what we are failing is ourselves as a whole. like the shopping addict who can’t face her credit cards, human beings are sticking their heads in the sand in exchange for a happy meal and a lie.

the lie that the world is okay and all we need to do is figure out the right degrees to “get”, clothes to “wear” and things to commit to in order to make it. the packaging is the lie. the tv is the lie. the media is repeatedly selling the reality that we do not know what is best for ourselves or the world. born in sin is programmed into our DNA at this point so that we all have to go within an extricate the hidden thoughts. the buried secrets and the illogic reasoning that has led humanity to become one of the most destructive forces Gaia has every known.

I started thinking a lot about what it means to be human this past year. as I finally began my YTT, everything I remembered before started coming to me. glimpses into other lives, other choices, different choices. choice turns fear into love. the choices we make change who we become and every day is full of them. I find my way through them with courage and renewed questioning about what it really means to be human and what it really means to love because if we really want to talk about why we are superior to other creatures on earth, why don’t we talk about how great we are at protecting life? preserving diversity and standing up for those who cannot stand up for themselves?

this is what human beings are best at. we are the stars transformed into flesh. for a moment we are here to offer something back. and if we look around and pay attention we will see that no life exists here on earth for itself alone. no animal, bug or plant lives without living to give as well as receive, but really, truly, if you pay attention, mostly to give. and life does. it gives everything to us. every breath is life breathing us into being human – what we do with that is up to us.

whether or not we change it, is up to us. whether or not we are willing to break free from our attachments to what we really like and want, we may not be able to see what really needs to be given.

the way we are living is destroying our world and it is not in balance but none of us can go out there and change the whole world. and I doubt we are supposed to try anything more out there until we’ve figured out how to face what is happening “in here” because inside ourselves is where we are truly lost. if our minds are constantly under the influence of an ego that we allow ourselves to identify with, we can only see what it is projecting through us.

when light shines it casts a shadow. the more light we welcome back into our entire beings, from our belly cores infinitely through and all the way out through our auras spreading 10-11 ft around our physical bodies, the more we will begin to see the shadows that have been lurking. it isn’t easy. it isn’t fun. yogis don’t sit in meditation all day because we are calm and knowing. we come to sit and pray to find our way back to the light within. the guidance of truth that love speaks through the heart. it lives within all of us. thought it can be hard to find and disentangle from every other lie you have been told, these layers can only hide your truth until you claim it back. we may give our power to those who use the matrix to create the illusion of separation, but it is in journeying within that we come to know this can never be taken from us. the divine shines through from within and beyond and if we trust it, it will light the path for us to a better reality. a nice world to wake up to at sunrise.

when we finally remember that we came as the more evolved species with the gift of reasoning for a reason, we may begin to see the light working through us. when we can finally humble ourselves to the force of love that will bring its reckoning working through the creatures, the elements, spirit, sinners and saints, we may find a new way opening before humanity. a path of integrity and value for what life is is fragile and what are we if not the ones sent here to guard it, protect it and in so doing, ensure that we are taking care of ourselves and each other. the human family has grown so big in such a short period of time we have become confused. too many thoughts, too many needs, too many tv shows projecting the idea that we live life in 22minute segments of constant wit and flawless makeup. on tv we can give birth with lip gloss on and our men at our side. on tv we can create a big huge drama around the giving brith of a child because it distracts from the truth – that we are not only here to protect life but to give it.

not everyone births a baby but everyone is birthed. everyone is birthed from the goddess, form the darkness of her womb we spawn like tadpoles in a pond and grow until we have expanded into our space so far, it cannot contain us anymore. the womb begins to contract and push us out.. a combination of physical and cosmic forces begin to dance together in the alchemy that is life, that is consciousness into matter. from the dark cave of the womb we are born into this bright world full of open bright space and sunlight shining back at us and we wake up to something new.


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